Me vs. The Green-Eyed Monster

Confession time:  Sometimes, late at night, I google other youngish directors and compare myself to them, my accomplishments to theirs. 

This is not a good idea.

Because the googling is almost always followed by the “what do they have that I don’t” game.  Or the “I bet they only got that because…” game.

When you play those games, you never win.

And then it takes considerable effort and unspeakable amounts of chocolate to transform yourself back from a crazy green-eyed monster to a normal human being. 

(Or is that just me?)

Julia Cameron, on jealousy, from The Artist’s Way: 

Jealousy is always a mask for fear: fear that we aren’t able to get what we want; frustration that somebody else seems to be getting what is rightfully ours even if we are too frightened to reach for it.  At its root, jealousy is a stingy emotion.  It doesn’t allow for the abundance and multiplicity of the universe.  Jealousy tells us there is room for only one—one poet, one painter, one whatever you dream of being. 

The truth, revealed by action in the direction of our dreams, is that there is room for all of us.  But jealousy produces tunnel vision.  It narrows our ability to see other options.  The biggest lie that jealousy tells us is that we have no choice but to be jealous.  Perversely, jealousy strips us of our will to act when action holds the key to our freedom (124).

The next time I get that green-eyed feeling, instead of reaching for a second (or, let’s be honest, fifth) chocolate chip cookie, I’m going to try reading and re-reading the above.

It’s probably healthier, for my spirit, and my waistline.